June 02, 2004

Some Village Life Tales
Part 3 - Michaelangelo In Isaan

I had promised my lady we would paint the nearly finished house when I showed up this trip. I wouldn't let her hire any Thais to do it, as I wanted a good job done of it, and have seen so many shitty paint jobs in Thailand, inside and out, that I told her I'd rather do it myself. I've worked for many years house painting and doing interior work, like wall papering and such to supplement my income when needed. (shit, since I was 7 yrs. old and helping my old man, who always was painting something, and was a perfectionist about it. Must have rubbed off on me it seems.)

This was a "first" for the village I was told. No falang had every been seen doing manual labor in the village, and it caused quite a stir I guess. It seemed every time I would look up there would be a Thai guy or two standing in the doorway watching me paint, with a stupid grin on their face. I'd say hello, and continue painting and sweating my balls off. If I got sick of
being stared at I'd do the old Tom Sawyer bit, "I love to paint! It's fun!" when asked why I didn't just hire someone to do it. (It is cheap. Only 100 baht a day to hire a guy but, like I said, they paint like they're getting paid a 100 baht too.) I'd offer to let them paint a while, so they could see how much fun it was. The stupid grin would vanish from their faces, and they'd leave, pleading important business elsewhere. Scram! What is this a Barnum and Bailey's side show freak tent?

The ladies were much more helpful. After my lady explained the reason for my doing the painting myself to the other ladies they all laughed, and agreed that most Thai men were lousy painters. One cousin, Sow, had been a professional painter for many years in Bangkok. This lady was good, and soon had the other ladies prepping the walls, and doing the paint mixing, and
sanding the woodwork and such, and was a great help. She was an excellent painter too!

My lady was very impressed at the paint job, and said I was the hit of the ladies in the village. The whole time I was painting one lass or another would bring me a glass of cold beer or water. They'd refill my paint bucket, and would sometimes even wave a towel at me for a while to cool me down. They moved the furniture and placed the mats on the floor to stop any paint from getting on the new tiles. And all the while they never stopped chattering away. Most times I think listening to Thai women talking together is almost like listening to soothing, soft, jazz. You don't understand it sometimes, but it sure sounds nice, just like jazz. We finished the whole house in just two days, and it looked splendid.

That night we had a big party for the family, and all the ladies got squashed. Mama and her older sister too! (They're like 67 and 70 years old, and look like a couple of wrinkled old monkeys, I swear.) Quite the sight this. Tons of good food, and plenty of beer Chang, and a few bottles of white zinfindel wine I had bought for the occasion. One bottle of Gin, for me, which the ladies all quaffed before I could finish one drink of it. "The frigging lushes!" I say to myself, on watching the Gin disappear in record speed. I was amazed watching them drink gasses of it straight. I had to drink the Chang beer.

I think this may have been a nefarious plot cooked up by my lady to deprive me of my Gin! She knows what Gin does to my libido. Makes me horny as hell. I think she figured hey, drink up his Gin and maybe I can get some sleep tonight. It also gives me horrible hangover headaches, so I don't consume it too often. Hey, it's cheaper than Viagra, and works for me. Gin or Vodka for me ladies and watch the hell out! Too bad it didn't have the same effect on some of the ladies, preferably mine. Well, the house is all painted, as I had promised, and the rest of the week is for adventure on the roads, and partying in Isaan!

Just call me Michaelangelo in Isaan. I'll answer.

Click Here For Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

(to be continued tomorrow)