June 03, 2004

Some Village Life Tales
Part 4 - Living in the Village (and I'm hearing voices!)

Well, to continue, after the paint dried on the newly painted walls in the new house we'd built it was time to move out of the hotel and into the ol' homestead. This is a major big step in the relationship here, and I was a bit nervous. We had never been together in this house, if you know what I mean, and I hadn't lived with a woman permanently since my divorce ten years earlier. I'd had other girlfriends over the years, but none I lived with. The back window of our bedroom also opens on Momma's house, and we do get a bit loud at times before drifting off to dream land. How's Momma gonna handle this? We aren't married yet. From what I've learned she is very religious, spends a LOT of time at the wat/temple down the road, and has just started warming to me. The first time I was there in the village, for our intial meeting, she threatened to stab me with a huge butcher knife! A little misunderstanding where she thought I caused her to lose face. Not true. But no-one could make her believe our extremely late arrival in the village was unintentional. (Our mini-van we'd rented at the time back then
had blown a damned engine, and the driver's brother had to drive up and get us and finish bringing us up to the village, while the van went to a repair shop.) No more Mekong whiskey for Momma from yours truly! She sat around waiting for us with all her friends and family, and got drunk and pissed off, for some reason thinking I somehow made her wait on purpose and caused her to lose face. Doesn't take much to get an old village woman worked up over nothing when she's in her cups really. Plus our daughter has a bedroom across from ours. (She's eight.)

Things are getting a bit complicated here I think. I move my stuff in after checking out of the hotel. In for a penny, in for a pound. (Or a few grand.) We take a bunch of the village girls to a lake to go swimming that first day. They all pile into the back of the pick up, about ten of them. Now these girls are the high school soccer team that I have been informed by my
darling I am now sponsoring for the season. They needed uniforms, and balls, and shin guards, and the captains of the team know and like my lady, and had her ask me if I would sponsor their team. (Being a farang man from America they of course believe we are all rich as Midas, and have money to burn.) Our young daughter is their mascot sorta, and, if I sponsored the team, they said they would name the team after her. (How could I resist this?) So now the team is named after her. It's on the jerseys. So we went swimming, and ate later at one of the thatched roof food stalls at the lake. Some guys kept backing their damned pick-up trucks, with huge aluminum tanks on the back, into the lake, and filling the tanks with the lake water. Leaving a nice oil slick from the trucks filming the top of the water. Smart move dummies. There isn't much concept of pollution here mostly. A good time was had until it started to rain a couple of hours later. We returned home and invited the girls to come to the house later, as we were having cake and ice cream and a ton of food for a joint birthday party for my lady and her sister, whose birthdays are a couple of weeks apart. Party time!My lady, and her sisters, and cousins, and aunts, and Momma, all prepared their specialities of food for the party. My lady and one of her sisters run their own small restaurant, and can cook up a storm. Good cooking and foods! I love the big noodles and squid dish, and their Kow Tom Guy is the best! I sent out one of her sisters for more Chang beer. (Momma and the aunts drank up the last of it while we were off swimming. Freakin' stiffs!) I can see I'm gonna have to get a padlock for the fridge if I want to ever have a cold beer left for me. Jeez, these old bats can drink! They also chew the betel nut too. Teeth are dark crimson, almost black on the old aunt. You don't see that anymore much in the cities, but in the village it is still quite prevalent among the older ladies.

I take a shower and change for the party while the preparations are being made. A couple hours later the girls all start drifting in. Soon the house is full of women and teenage girls! And poor me is the only guy amongst all the puying suay. (Beautiful women) The food is excellent, and the cake, (two-one for each of them) and ice cream is served, birthday songs
sung, and candles blown out. Now the serious partying begins.

A couple of bottles of the white zinfindel were left over from the previous party, and the older women broke these out and started plying everyone with wine and beer in some sort of drinking game. Before long all the girls and women are shit faced, and laughing, and giggling, and chattering away, and one, the captain of the girls football team, starts talking to me in
quite good English. She had been very shy earlier, but the wine seems to have loosened her up considerably. She tells me that SHE is eighteen, and not a baby like the others. She is very interested in America and wants to live there someday. She sits with me and my lady, and we talk about the U.S. and life over there compared to Thailand, etc., etc. She even takes English
classes at school. I also find out that her Papa is the headman of the village. Sorta like the mayor.

My lady had told me about this guy. She said he is a good guy who won't stand for any drugs in his village. Even to the point of getting a few of the village guys to kick some ass with him on someone if needed. A no nonsense guy, who she says is very fair, but tough. His drunk 18 year old daughter is now flirting outrageously with me, to the point of attracting my lady's attention. Oh Oohh. My lady says a few things to her I can't understand, but a few comments back and forth and the flirting comes to an abrupt halt.

The party broke up around midnight, and all the ladies say goodnight, after helping clean up. It's time to go to bed, I'm bushed. My lady is in a good mood, and sends our daughter off to her sister's house to sleep, so we can be alone for our first night together in the house. Looks like I'm in for a good night. Wish they had left me some Gin from the other night for fortification. I'm awakened a while later. I hear something, but can't quite figure out what. It's still dark out, but I'm hearing someone talking in Thai. A guy is talking in a soft voice. What the hell? Where is he? What the hell is he saying? I look at my watch. It's 5 a.m.! The voice stops.

I'm lying there in bed wondering what's going on and the voice starts again. What the hell is this? His voice is quietly droning on and on in Thai. Softly, in a normal conversational tone, someone is talking to me in Thai. "Is that you Buddha?" I mutter to myself. I realize someone is speaking quietly on a loudspeaker. What the hell? It's 5 in the morning! Who is this
idiot? This goes on for 10 minutes or more, and who knows how long he'd been talking before I woke up.

I nudge my lady. "Hey, darlin'. Who the hell is that talking?" I ask her. "Bossman." she says sleepily. "Well why the hell is he talking at 5 a.m.?" I say to her grumpily, "What's he nuts?" "Him talk to village. Him say Buddha is good, and today is good day to work, and to wake up." she informs me in a sleepy mumbling voice. "I repeat, darling. Is he frigging nuts?" I ask
her again. "What nuts?" she asks me, while rolling over and getting out of bed and stretching. "You know. Ba ba bo bo. (crazy)" I say. "Does he do this every morning?" I ask in disbelief. "Yes." she replies yawning. "Shit. If he did this in the states somebody woulda shot his ass by now!" I inform her. She gives me a look, and says, "Not same as U.S."

"Ain't this the truth, honey." I think to myself.

I think I'll have to kill him if this continues every damned morning. At least I know I won't need an alarm clock while staying in the village. You know, early to bed, early to rise, and all that farmer crap. I'm bringing some wire cutters next time I come over. I'll find that damn speaker wire and silence this little brain washing commie bastard. 5 a.m.!!!! Jesus!
"Come back to bed, darling." I ask her with a devilish grin. She laughs and sits down next to me. What the hell. Looks like we aren't getting any more sleep this morning anyway. Let's put the time to good use.

Click Here For Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

(to be continued tomorrow)