May 2004
 Our
Man In HANOI has had a pretty busy couple of months (although
obviously not at the keyboard  )
He, and his good lady friend have taken possession of one
very beautiful, mischievous and fun-loving dog. If you have
not a shred of interest in our furry friends then you might
as well skip to the bottom of this column (as many of you
are no doubt already doing) because for 1 month only this
piece is going to be littered and savaged, nay mauled and
gnawed with dog info, trivia and stomach turning affection.
(In fact even if you do like dogs then you might find it
a bit like listening to your former best friends talking
about their new baby, so perhaps you'd better skip to the
next section as well)
Thomas, or Tom to his friends of whom he has many (so trusting
at that age aren't they?) came into our life 2 months ago
from way up country near China looking for a family to take
care of him. They couldn't find one so he got me and Aimee.
When he came to us he was barely of his mother's milk and
a country yokel through and through. The day he arrived
was his first day on a lead, first day on a bus, first day
on motorbike, (Yeah it's really not so uncommon for the
quadrupeds to travel on two wheels over here. Not everyone
can afford a car and gold Tiaras don't you know) first day
seeing a big city and his first night without his mother.
YOU imagine doing all that in one day, especially in a city
where you're just as likely to be taken to the local restaurant
as to a nice loving family….and I don't mean a restaurant
where they serve dogs' food, rather one where they serve
dog! Apparently they make excellent snacks for when you're
out on the piss / the razz or what has in times past on
one island been called a racket. Drinking food anyway. (Tom
if you're reading this, its just a joke. Nobody eats dogs,
not in Nam, The P.I, Thailand, nowhere, ok mate?)
From day zero he literally turned our live's upside down
and inside out. I do believe I have an inkling of what all
you parents go through and I just don't know how you do
it. You people must be supermen and women and you seem to
be everywhere. Can it really be harder than a dog?
Standing about 2-foot tall when he manages to keep at least
3 of his feet on the ground he's ¼ Vietnamese Native
breed, ¼ German Shepard, ¼ Japanese something
or other and ¼ some kind of Terrier. (He also seems
to be about 100% stupid.) In a perfect world I suppose he
would have inherited a patriotic resilient heart and fiercesome
jungle fighting skills from his Vietnamese blood (well he
can dig a few holes.). A strong sense of discipline from
the German Shepherd and the ability to always get us a sun
lounger on the beach. (I used to think this was a stupid
stereotype and kind of a weak joke, but its not. You do
do it German readers and you KNOW its true!. I've seen it
with mien own eyes!) Anyway from the terrier bit I suppose
you'd expect some tenacity and from the Japanese….I don't
know…perhaps how to produce high quality entertainment systems?
Or make a cup of tea really slowly? However all we've discovered
so far, and it is a very useful skill to have in this part
of the country I'm sure you'll agree, is that he has the
uncanny ability to catch cockroaches and pin them to the
ground until Aimee can catch them in a plastic bag…show
me a baby that can do that! Not that our house is riddled
with cockroaches I'll have you know, but the occasional
one does manage to evade our elaborate security system (namely
roach spray that I'm sure would not be permitted under any
EEC laws such is its power to dissolve living tissue)
So it's not much but at least he's learning a trade……..he
chased rats for a while until they were poisoned….saw one
walking in HIS garden ran up to it like a greyhound (or
maybe terrier) and then got really confused when it didn't
do its usual, turn enormous tail and run thing. Instead
it just sort of stood there dazed by the sun. Probably blinded
and in incredible pain. This left Thomas with the tricky
question of what to do when they don't run. The answer apparently
is to look at your owner with sad eyes and squeak in a sad
confused manner. It was a little like the Tom and Jerry
cartoon when Tom decides to leave, Jerry gets very upset
and so on…Thomas still runs outside for a hopeful look when
you call "RATS" but you can tell that he knows
deep down that they've gone somewhere else, so as mentioned
before he's stalking smaller prey to earn his keep….
The first week he arrived he caught a potentially deadly
virus but luckily managed to pull through due to no small
thanks to the judicious hands of our Vet, Mr. Bau. Believe
me finding a small animal vet in Vietnam is not easy (just
try looking up Hanoi vet on the net) and I was ringing everywhere,
hospitals, animal departments etc. in my desperation for
help. Perhaps the most annoying of my phone calls was to
the WWF (World Wildlife Foundation/fund?). Now I know these
people are out saving pandas and rescuing cobras from the
jaws of hungry Chinese but did they really not know of ONE
Vet in the whole of Hanoi? Plus I know Pandas are cute but
why should say a cobra get preferential treatment over a
dog. There's no doubting who's cuter there and everyone
knows it's the cute who survive in the animal kingdom these
days.
Three horned toad on brink of extinction; Yawn
Fluffy thing with big eyes and big ears needs more forest;
organize a Telefon, kick out local villagers and launch
major advertising campaign costing millions and involving
at least one celebrity.
If anyone from the W.W.F can explain why the Hanoi branch
don't have the phone no. of a common or garden vet please
let us know and I'll print your reply. (You can also put
some perspective on my childish comments regarding toads
and Ewoks)
So there was the virus (which actually took his brother,
another yokel down from the city and owned by friends away
to meet his maker) then there's the fleas, and the trouble
at bed time, and the training, and the barking at anything
that comes in HIS street, the mites, the jabs (I tell you
for a cross-breed or what some less charitable people would
call a mongrel, he is not cheap) the constant demands for
attention, the walks, the toilet training. Honestly in the
first month it felt like we hadn't slept a wink. Luckily
now we are beginning to reap the benefits of all the initial
hard work and vet visits etc and have a loving, fun, healthy,
semi-obedient animal…...that can catch cockroaches. Anyway
that's been my life recently I'm ashamed to say. I'll write
something more interesting next month I promise and the
next section is about the Perhentians, much more in keeping
with the name of this Ezine! The Perhentians are islands
by the way not animals on the verge of extinction
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